Not having the best day mentally/emotionally. I woke up with my depression flaring up, and I have no idea why. Well, I keep hearing how therapeutic a gratitude journal is, and while I’ve never done well with consistently keeping a journal, I thought I would at least make a gratitude post. Maybe listing things I’m grateful for will help me out of this funk.

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I’m thankful for:

my husband, Dan – he is the love of my life, my soul mate, and he is my rock. He is always here for me, takes care of me when I’m ill, and loves me for all that I am. My life would be so different if he wasn’t in it, and I’m glad I don’t have to know what it would be like. Every day I’m blown away that he chose to spend the rest of his life with me! Even though my wedding was two years ago, I still remember almost every detail. It was the best day of my life. Nothing will surpass it, not even when I have kids. Having my children will probably tie with it, but it could never surpass it. My wedding day was the day that I got to marry the most amazing man in the world, and the most perfect partner for me. I don’t tell him often enough how much I love him and how amazing he is; though even telling him every second of every day wouldn’t be quite enough. He is the single most important thing in my life, and the aspect of life that I am most thankful for.

my house – not only does it keep me out of the elements, but it is mine. Dan and I can do whatever we want to the interior because we own it. I’m very proud that we own our own house in our mid-twenties, and can’t wait until we’re done fixing it up.

living in a first world country – having these chronic illnesses makes me even happier that I get to live in a first world country. While the medical system is extremely frustrating at times, and there are definitely areas that could be improved, I still have easy access to healthcare when I need it. If I lived in a third world country, I would definitely be bedridden. It would also be almost impossible for me to get information about what could possibly be wrong with me, so I would be terrified. Knowing what is wrong with me makes it easier to handle the symptoms, and having easy access to research and medicine keeps me from freaking out.

my family – while I don’t always agree with them, I do love them a lot. I know they love me too. Having them a phone call away can help when I’m feeling alone. I’m also grateful that they are fairly healthy, and should be around for a long time to come.

my computer & internet – these two things are my lifeline to the world when I’m ill. I can see what is going on in the world around me without leaving the house, and I don’t have to sit through 30 minutes of depressing news to get to anything interesting/happy. The internet allows me to connect with people all around the world that have stories similar to mine, gives me a community to belong to. My computer also holds my photography and editing software. Without my computer and internet, I would feel all alone with my illnesses and struggles, and I wouldn’t have a good way to pursue many of my hobbies when I couldn’t get out of bed.

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I’m having a difficult time coming up with much more right now, but five is a good number. I think I’m going to go try experimenting with painting techniques, which should help more with this wave of depression. Dan should have a short work day today, and he’s off tomorrow, so I’ll get to see him relatively soon. He should be able to put a smile on my face!