I’m very nervous about my surgery… it’s in exactly one week. I don’t like surgery, really, REALLY don’t like it. I don’t like general anesthesia, and I don’t like recovery times. This will be my third surgery, and my fourth time under general anesthesia. My previous two surgeries were to remove an ovarian cyst and remove my wisdom teeth. The three previous times under general anesthesia were for the two surgeries and then for my upper endoscopy that diagnosed my eosinophilic esophagitis.

I’m also freaked out because I was in pain IMMEDIATELY after waking up from my other two surgeries. Most people don’t feel anything for quite a while after waking up, but not me. Of course I can’t be that lucky. And, for some reason, most narcotics don’t work on me. Vicodin has never done anything to me, Percocet only distracts me because I feel like I’m in a tiny rowboat on the open ocean during a hurricane, Morphine makes me feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and shoving my head under water by holding my shoulders down… Dilaudid is the only one that has worked, but the pills just knock me out. I have some Trama-dol still, which is a non-narcotic, because I was given a prescription for it to manage my fibro pain. I’m hoping they’ll have a stronger non-narcotic option for me, so that I’m not in a ton of pain. I have a feeling this one is going to really hurt, and I don’t want to have to be in immense pain. It’s really hard for me to ask for medicine that is strong enough, because then I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a druggie. But I really need to push myself to mention it this time.

I’m also going to be pushing myself to go to my second day of classes the day after my surgery. The day before my surgery is my first day of class. Luckily, I only have class on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, which should make it easier to attend while recovering. There is just so much I’m nervous about! I’m worried that recovery will make my classes significantly more difficult than they should be, that it will flare up my fibro symptoms again since a lot of pain has definitely done it before, that I won’t be able to get to my second day of classes, that something will go wrong during surgery, the loss of control from the anesthesia, and I’m nervous that this won’t end up fixing my ear issues. I know it’s going to zap my energy, I just hope it won’t be too bad.