My menstrual cycle came on September 12th. I just sighed, and put in my menstrual cup. No underwear was ruined, even though it started while I was sleeping. Why? When the spotting started, I started wearing pads. I always spot for at least a few days before my period starts. “Now that’s not optimistic” may be what you’re thinking. And, you’re right.
Yes, I’ve heard of “implantation bleeding.” I’ve also read that many of us spot before our periods start, so that the only way to tell the difference is if you end up with no menstrual cycle and a positive pregnancy test after the bleeding. Trust me, I Googled the heck out of it when I first started trying to conceive.
The cycle that started on the 12th of September will be our 17th cycle since we started trying to conceive. Seventeen negatives. Seventeen negatives without any explanations. And I’m starting to go numb to the entire process. I need to.
Since we’ve been struggling to get pregnant for over a year now, we had some testing done. I did mention it a little in this post: Being One in Eight is Heartbreaking.
Dan had a semen analysis done, and I had an HSG. A semen analysis is what you would expect, they have you bring in a semen sample, then analyze it. An HSG is an invasive test to check for any blockages in my system. They insert a tube through my cervix, then push a dye through so that it fills my uterus and spills out of my Fallopian tubes into my abdominal cavity. Blockages or an oddly shaped uterus can both be detected using this test.
Quotations are the lyrics for “The Good Parts” by Andy Grammer.
I’m sorry if I seem impatient
I’m not a fan of pleasantries
See, I get bored with the weather and what’s in the news
The topics we all hide beneath
Small talk is not a strong suite of mine. It makes me awkward. I don’t like to talk about the news at all, because I don’t watch it (it’s always so dang negative). The weather is the weather, and boring to talk about – I also love pretty much all weather to some degree, while most people want to complain about it. Continue reading
This is hard to write, but it’s something I feel I absolutely must – my soul feels broken and heavy, and my heart has been put through a wood chipper.
I’ve known Izzy and her mother for a long time now. I first met them when I was working retail, her mother (Elly) was my manager. We quickly became really good friends. Periodically, Elly’s daughters would come visit (Izzy and AW) at the store, so I had met them several times. I babysat a few times, because Izzy was only about 7 and AW was only about 4 years older. Then, when Izzy was 9, they asked me to be a nanny. I nannied her for about year before my wedding. We spent a ton of time together, and it was fun watching her grow up.
We lost touch for a bit (well, we followed each other on social media, but hadn’t talked in person in a long time) due to a series of moves which included her moving out of state.
Then, at the beginning of this month, we got a chance to have lunch (Dan and I met up with Elly and Izzy, AW was still out of state). I found out that Izzy had been struggling with atrocious migraines that would last for a week or longer and had been severely impacting school, and had required several ER visits. Since Elly was having a hard time taking all the time off to take her to all the doctors and ER trips, I offered to help (since I work for myself).
2017 was an extremely busy year for both of us (Dan and me). I was writing my “Look Back” post and it got extremely long, so I needed to divide the year in half! You can find the first half of the year here: “Look Back part 1.” This post covers July through December 2017!
I followed up with my cardiologist, but had to see the nurse practitioner because his schedule was too full. I don’t like seeing NP’s for cardio because they can’t ever do anything for me. At least she talked to my doctor and then called me with how to change my medications.
2017 has been a chaotic year for both Dan and me. Honestly, it’s hard for me to even wrap my head around because it flashed past so quickly – I feel like I haven’t gotten to take a break since last Christmas!
I wanted to write up a little summary of our year, both so you can know what we have been up to, and so that I can have something to look back on myself. Since this is a summary, I will include links back to any relevant posts so you can read more detail. All links are either to my personal blog posts or Instagram posts.
My pelvis and back started causing a lot of problems in October 2016 (read more here and here). By January, I was in excruciating pain 24/7 and having to spend most of my time on the couch. Thankfully, I saw a new doctor (a physiatrist) and at the end of January, I got a cortisone injection into my right SI joint.
While not everyone celebrates Christmas, most religions and spiritualities celebrate a winter holiday right around Christmas (which is right after the winter solstice). Everyone celebrates this time of year differently. Because of that, I wanted to outline my Christmas traditions a bit more so you will know better what to expect from my Blogmas posts – but first, I want to share some traditions I’ve heard about through the years. (Check out my Blogmas Kickoff so you know a bit more of what to expect from me.)
For anyone not familiar: Christmas Day is December 25th, and the winter solstice is right around December 21st (it’s the shortest day of the year so it changes a little).
Christmas 2015 pictures
Traditions I Know About
Two of my friends celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Their mom is Christian, their dad is Jewish, so they do both! I thought it was really cool that they were able to come to that agreement and that it worked out so well for them. I also love how unique their holiday season is!
What is Blogmas? It’s a “tradition” where bloggers write a post every day in December celebrating Christmas and the Christmas season. I won’t be able to post every day, because it just takes too much energy, but I’m going to try for every other day – I’m going to call it “Spoonie Blogmas!”
… I Discuss Why My Posts May Be a Bit Different from Some of the Other Posts
Dan and I at Blossoms of Light – Chatfield, 2016
Thanksgiving through New Year’s is my absolute favorite time of the year! I love the holidays, all of them. There is just a warmer feel to this time of year, despite the temperature dropping outside. People, in general, get happier. Families feel more cohesive. The decorations make everything feel magical! There is fantastic food everywhere (even though I can’t eat it all), and special, seasonal dessert recipes come out! Fires can be built in fireplaces thanks to the dropping temperatures, and the cozy sweaters and blankets get brought out of storage! And then there’s hot cocoa and apple cider! Overall this time of year is completely magical for me. (And now that I live in Colorado, it usually even comes with winter snow!)
It’s easy to fall into the trap of only showing the negative aspects of chronic illness. When we’re “healthy” (for us) and feeling well, we tend to go out and live! When we’re sick and feeling awful, that’s when we think “I haven’t written in a while, and this is something interesting to write about.” If we’re just so-so then we’re probably doing something that we deem ‘boring’ and don’t write about it. I try to keep my blog focused on my entire life, not just the chronic illness pieces, but it’s definitely easier to write about the “bad times.”
However, I have been quite lucky lately: my body is cooperating. For the most part, I’ve been able to feel relatively normal in the past few weeks. No, I’m not ‘better’ but I’ve been able to do more than I had been able to do in over a year! My Pilates classes went surprisingly well, my physical therapy was going really well, and I’ve been able to be significantly more active day-to-day! Of course, I’m waiting to accidentally run off a cliff (metaphorically of course), but until then I’m really excited that my body is letting me be ‘normal’ most of the time! Continue reading