It’s interesting how, in this time of intense emotional pain, the link between brain and body can be so tangible. I’m in intense emotional pain and it’s messing with my body. I’m getting random aches and pains that shouldn’t be happening, my IBS is acting up (which is definitely something that can be emotionally triggered), and even then I know my headache medication is working I’ve suddenly gotten a bad headache going again. Ugh. Maybe my brain knows I can kind if handle physical pain and is trying to “help” by making it more “manageable” or something? I don’t know. But the link is interesting to notice.
Yesterday, I mentioned how having my last first day of school is a complete mixed bag of feelings. Well, I realized that because I was talking to Dan about it Monday night and ended up in a giant puddle of tears. It’s very complex.
First, I am THRILLED I’m going to be done! I have been in college since August 2008, with only one calendar year off, and in school since I was 5 (20 years now). While I do love to learn, I have grown to really hate school. At the same time, however, school is familiar and safe and it’s going to be really weird not going anymore. I’m not big on rigid schedules, and now my health isn’t either. School definitely requires a rigid schedule. I also can’t stand homework. I know, I know, nobody likes homework. But I loathe it. I have an almost impossible time sitting down to make myself do it. If there is ANYTHING (including cleaning) that I can do instead of homework, it’ll get done. Dan will just say “I need to study” then sit down and do it; while I say “I need to study” and then the house becomes spotless and then the photos on the computer get organized and then my closet is organized by color and then I’ll maybe do the studying I need. I cannot stand homework. Instead of a “graduation party” I’m going to be having a “no more homework” party. Seriously.