A Different and Deep Depression

Looking on the “Insights” tab of my stats, it’s clear to see how little I’ve been posting. It’s also extremely clear when you look through my archive. I was looking through my archive the other day, because I’m planning out a blog overhaul (keep an eye out for changes!), and made a startling realization: my posting frequency dropped off significantly with the passing of my grandmother.

Grama and I were extremely close. She was, by far, my closest relative. Since then, I’ve been having an odd kind of identity crisis. I’ve also been struggling with a deep and different kind of depression than I’m used to… I’m used to depression, I’ve been struggling with it for most of my life, but this is somehow completely different. I didn’t even really realize that it was happening until I made the realization about my blog posting and started thinking about it.

wedding us with g&g square

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My Grama and Family Need Your Good Energy

(I just realized it’s April first; this is NOT a joke, this is just horrible timing for my family)

I found out last night, very late, from my sister that my grandmother was in the ER. Apparently, she had told my grandfather she felt like she was going to pass out and then she did and then she fell over and hit her head.

She’s been in the emergency room since then. They’re actually moving her to the ICU soon. She’s still unconscious, and they don’t know why. The CT scan was inconclusive, and she isn’t stable enough to do an MRI (she has too much equipment on and MRIs are too restrictive for everything). It sounds like they’re suspecting she had a stroke of some sort. The problem is the CT didn’t show one, and so they can’t treat it without knowing which kind (one kind is from excessive bleeding so you need to give blood clotting medication and one is from blood clotting and so you need to give blood thinners). Apparently, she also has a blood clot in her lung that is putting pressure on her heart; but she is already on blood thinner medication (normal prescription) so they can’t actually do anything without potentially making anything in her brain worse.

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