I decided to try a stream of conscious post, so this is just a REALLY LONG block of text. And some of the content might seem offensive, but it isn’t meant that way. It was quite the debate with myself over posting it, but it was very therapeutic for me to get it out.

Home.

Well, it was California. But now, Colorado has become home in a way.

My plan was never to stay in Colorado; I was going to get my bachelor’s degree from Colorado School of Mines (in 4-5 years), then I was going to go home and marry my boyfriend (BF for future mentions). Obviously, that didn’t happen. However, last time I mentioned this, I was told I was mistaken because sometime in about October 2008 I mentioned I was never going back to California. Truthfully, I may have said that, but it was a far more complicated and emotional mess by October. BF had broken up with me at the end of September, because all we’d been doing was arguing. I also said something (I don’t remember what) that was essentially a “we don’t seem to be working anymore” thing. Anyway, it sucked when he broke up with me. I burst into tears when it sunk in, and ran out of my friends’ house (actually, Dan’s house, I’d been rock climbing with them that day) down the street to a park. That massacred a huge part of my future plans. Continue reading →