Chronic illness takes a toll on your mental health, even when nothing you have is fatal/terminal. Infertility also takes a toll on your mental health. Both of these things have a dramatic impact on your life, so it’s normal (and expected) for these things to have such a huge impact on your mental health.
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” A common phrase almost all of us have heard at least once in our life. (At least I know it’s common here in the western USA, let me know in the comments if it’s common in your neck of the woods!) Even though it’s common, it’s a phrase I do not like. At all.
The phrase is supposed to mean “make the most out of a less-than-ideal situation.” Yes, it’s a good idea to take whatever circumstances life has handed you and try to make the best of it. However, I’ve found it gets used a lot to minimize or dismiss uncomfortable feelings. Using this phrase, or other phrases, to dismiss the negative feelings that come up when life gives us negative situations does far more harm than good.
When life hands you lemons, it never hands you the sugar needed to make the lemonade. It’s alright to be frustrated, or even angry, that now you have to go track down some sugar and take the time to make the lemonade. If life had handed you the oranges you had ordered, you would already be enjoying your citrus-y snack!
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Looking on the “Insights” tab of my stats, it’s clear to see how little I’ve been posting. It’s also extremely clear when you look through my archive. I was looking through my archive the other day, because I’m planning out a blog overhaul (keep an eye out for changes!), and made a startling realization: my posting frequency dropped off significantly with the passing of my grandmother.
Grama and I were extremely close. She was, by far, my closest relative. Since then, I’ve been having an odd kind of identity crisis. I’ve also been struggling with a deep and different kind of depression than I’m used to… I’m used to depression, I’ve been struggling with it for most of my life, but this is somehow completely different. I didn’t even really realize that it was happening until I made the realization about my blog posting and started thinking about it.
I’m a little preoccupied at the moment. I do apologize.
Recently, I’ve decided I need to take a giant step in the direction of my mental health. The universe was sending me massive and glaring signs of which direction I needed to take. It’s kind of a rough one, and I’m just at the beginning. Unfortunately, I’m not comfortable writing about it yet, and I don’t have anything definitive (which is why I’m not comfortable writing about it). It’s also consume a rather large amount of my mental energy as of late, so I haven’t been able to focus on much else right now.
Hopefully there will be news to report soon. I am still working on the colonoscopy series. I also owe one of my best friends her maternity photos that I took as a favor to her, so that has been taking time away from the blog as well. But I promise, the plan is to get back to blogging soon!
Love and spoons to you all.
Part of my extended absence has been due to a massive internal struggle I’ve been dealing with.
I started this blog, in part, to journal about all the aspects of my illnesses. This includes all of the aspects of my physical symptoms AND my mental symptoms. This journaling is to help me deal with what is going on in my life, and to help anyone else that is struggling not to feel as alone.
Now, where is the struggle? Well, I have found myself holding back and not being completely honest with you. I’ve been leaving things out, under-telling symptoms, playing down physical symptoms, and just not touching on the mental aspect at all.
Why?
The answer to the why is where the struggle comes in.
This video is a very short and beautiful way of describing the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is important and how we connect with people. Empathy is what everyone needs, what everyone wants. Learn empathy. Practice empathy. Foster connection. Foster love.
It’s interesting how, in this time of intense emotional pain, the link between brain and body can be so tangible. I’m in intense emotional pain and it’s messing with my body. I’m getting random aches and pains that shouldn’t be happening, my IBS is acting up (which is definitely something that can be emotionally triggered), and even then I know my headache medication is working I’ve suddenly gotten a bad headache going again. Ugh. Maybe my brain knows I can kind if handle physical pain and is trying to “help” by making it more “manageable” or something? I don’t know. But the link is interesting to notice.
Today is 35°F and snowing. The official first day of spring is this Sunday (the 20th). It doesn’t look very springy out.
I like the snow, I really do. However, my depression is not liking it right now. To pick myself up, I’ve been making some springy designs on Zazzle. Hopefully, they can pick you guys up too. (Daffodils are my favorite flower, so the first one is my favorite and I actually made 6 different products with that picture.)
Click here to see more designs
It’s very cloudy outside. Normally, I love cloudy and overcast weather… but the sudden cold that has accompanied it isn’t making me too happy.
Yesterday, I slept until after noon. The “Reformer for Recovery” class that I normally do on Wednesdays starts at 12:30. Obviously, I didn’t go to that. At about 4:30, however, I decided that the cold was messing with my hips too badly to skip Pilates entirely for a whole week (Joleen was booked solid for this coming Monday). I decided to do the beginning level “Core Training” class, which is a hybrid between mat and reformer.
I did alright during class. My arms, neck, and shoulders are definitely messed up though. Today, I’m paying for it. The class did help from the waist down, but it feels like my upper body has been run over by a large truck. My depression isn’t helping, and the pain isn’t helping my depression. Hopefully, I can have a good day for my birthday (Saturday the 19th). Please, Universe?
I’ve had some really bizarre emotional things going on today. Physically, I’m not doing too well either, but that is due to the weather suddenly shifting again (I hope).
I guess we’ll start at the beginning.
Me skiing at Beaver Creek.
We wanted to go skiing today. My arm has been killing me, and last night it randomly got really bad, pushing me to tears several times. No idea why, because I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to (exercise wise). We set an alarm for 5:45am (to get up there by the time the lifts opened), but we also had the condition of “we’ll see how you feel” (meaning how I felt, Dan said it). At 5:45, Dan asks how I’m feeling, so I had to lay there and force myself awake long enough to do a self assessment. Then I moved and pain shot through my arm. Not good. I told Dan and we decided not to go skiing.
That, as it turns out, was a phenomenal decision…
Finding Life's Silver Sun 