Dysautonomia Awareness Month is here!
I am being quite active this year. I don’t think I was even really aware of it last year, or if I was, I was still kind of embarrassed and confused by my diagnosis so I definitely wasn’t as active and excited about it. But this year, oh my goodness! If you are following me on Facebook or Instagram, or both, you have probably been quite surprised in the uptick of my postings and the sheer amount of turquoise.
By the way, dysautonomia’s official awareness color is turquoise! And, if you also weren’t aware, that is one of my favorite colors and has been for years now, so it’s an awesome coincidence and just makes this even better!!!! ALL THE TURQUOISE! *cough sputter* Sorry about that.
It’s really weird watching life go on around you when you and your family are impacted by something so personally traumatic. Like, on an intellectual level I really do understand that life goes on. Of course it does. Why would anyone else care that my grandmother passed away? That sounds awful. I mean, people are understanding and kind, but people die every day and if you didn’t know her why would you care? Of course life goes on. But it’s weird going online or walking around and hearing people laughing and posting jokes and enjoying life while I’m struggling with emotions and feeling numb and feeling depressed and reminiscing and loving my grandmother and thinking about life and death. It’s just a really weird thing. Here I am, feeling like the life I knew just kind of ended in a way, and watching life just march right on while wishing I could just stop it long enough to get everything handled and sorted out. I’ve been lucky in that I can pause as much as I can, and that Dan has been able to as well. I just wish I didn’t have things like homework to think about and that Dan didn’t need to worry about work and homework. But, somehow, life just keeps on going.