Back Pain, Still

This pain is trying to kill me.

I do not like taking so much medicine… but I can’t function. I can’t sleep. I can’t think.

I wish I knew what I did. Then again, I honestly don’t think I did anything.

I just want it to stop!!!!

(Back pain post 1, post 2.)

In Need of Spoons…

Does anyone have any extra spoons?



My family is arriving Friday morning and I have a LOT to get done around the house to get ready for my graduation party Saturday before they get here.

Anyone have spoons they don’t need to help me get thru the weekend?

special spoon

On a positive note, I no longer have any classes!!!!!

I Didn’t Pass Out


I was out of LabCorp just after noon. As soon as I got to my car I chugged my Ensure and took my medications. By the time I got the DMV (I had to get plates for the Ford), my medication was starting to kick in. I didn’t get home until after one. Thankfully, I had some leftover ravioli in the fridge and it happens to be a cheese day so I was able to eat it (they have Parmesan which is an aged cheese) for a late lunch, and now I’m feeling a lot better. Now, off to work on more homework for the end of the semester.

Soon I’ll Have Research to Share

The paper I’m writing for psych isn’t a traditional research paper. Instead of a research paper, we had to find a short article related to psychology and then summarize it in plain English (I think it’s so we can have more practice in reading and understanding scientific articles). I chose an article that is related to insomnia and chronic pain. Once I get my paper turned in, I’ll share it with you guys because I find it very interesting.

Here’s my paper: Summary of A Pilot Study of Audio-Visual Stimulation as a Self-Care Treatment for Insomnia in Adults with Insomnia in Chronic Pain

School Monster Eats Time

I had a math test today, totally nailed it. The studying, however, took a ton of time since I didn’t realize I had it until Monday when I decided to see what I needed to do to get caught up in my math class.

My major psych paper is due on Monday by midnight. I have to read an article (already picked out and professor approved) and then do a write up about it. I haven’t read the article yet.

My mother-in-law is coming down tomorrow until Sunday. Haven’t seen her in awhile, so it’ll be nice, but it means I have less time to do my HW. Which means WAY less time for fun stuff, like this blog.

Hopefully, I’ll be back after the paper gets turned in… But the rest of the semester is pretty busy since I only have a few weeks left.

Break in the Regular Programming

Grief is complicated and this grief is really deep. It’s all consuming and words are fleeting. I will probably post a lot of things related to it for quite some time. There will be other posts too, but they don’t mean I’m suddenly “better” … Honestly, I doubt I’ll ever fully be “better” because I was incredibly close with Grama; I just know someday I won’t cry as easily or often and thinking of her will let me smile. Thank you for your loving patience in the meantime. (Saying “I’m sorry” and “I love you” like a broken record is perfectly acceptable because even I don’t know what I need to hear.)

I will attempt to start posting something on a more regular basis once again, since I’m now back home. I’ll be leaving again soon for the service, but that’ll only be for a weekend. Those posts may simply take the form of some Zazzle plugs for a bit though, or similar, as I process what’s happening internally.

Weather is Weird

California is so much hotter than Colorado this time of year. It was 90°F today in Cali and I think it may have gotten to 70°F in Colorado (maybe, if that high). It’s way too hot. I came from winter to summer and passed spring somewhere along the way. I want spring back, this is definitely too hot.

It’s also crazy humid in Cali compared to Colorado. I feel sticky and that’s really bizarre… I always thought of it as dry at my parents’ house.

Life Oddly Marches Forward

It’s really weird watching life go on around you when you and your family are impacted by something so personally traumatic. Like, on an intellectual level I really do understand that life goes on. Of course it does. Why would anyone else care that my grandmother passed away? That sounds awful. I mean, people are understanding and kind, but people die every day and if you didn’t know her why would you care? Of course life goes on. But it’s weird going online or walking around and hearing people laughing and posting jokes and enjoying life while I’m struggling with emotions and feeling numb and feeling depressed and reminiscing and loving my grandmother and thinking about life and death. It’s just a really weird thing. Here I am, feeling like the life I knew just kind of ended in a way, and watching life just march right on while wishing I could just stop it long enough to get everything handled and sorted out. I’ve been lucky in that I can pause as much as I can, and that Dan has been able to as well. I just wish I didn’t have things like homework to think about and that Dan didn’t need to worry about work and homework. But, somehow, life just keeps on going.