There is a problem with chronic depression.
Well, there is more than one problem. There are several.
But you know what a big problem with it is?
It can honestly be 100% random.
One minute, you can be happy and smiling.
The next minute, you just want to curl up in a ball on the couch and disappear. Sometimes, you’ll even start crying.
Usually, it isn’t quite that fast. But it can be.
It’s a struggle. Literally. Everyday.
And you know what the hardest part of the struggle is?
You don’t even know what you’re fighting.
I’m serious. Usually, there isn’t a tangible thing that you are fighting. You simply can’t get yourself to give a genuine smile. The world feels slow. Bright sunny days make you want to hide in the dark. (Well, they make me want to hide, but I think I have “summer SAD,” which is possible.) You start to feel guilty for not being able to laugh, so you withdraw yourself from situations where you would be expected to laugh. You don’t want to eat. You don’t want to get out of bed. You kind of feel like you have lead instead of blood.
Sometimes, there is a trigger. Which can make the fight easier. But this isn’t usually the case.
You have to fight. Hard. Against an invisible enemy.
And you know what?
The fight never truly ends.
2 thoughts on “The Fight Against The Invisible”
I’ve dealt with anxiety my entire life, but over the past few months I’ve also developed some unshakable depression. It does feel totally random. One moment I am literally laughing with joy and the next I can’t stop myself from crying. Thankfully, it’s been getting better with the help of many, many support systems and counselling. But man, has it been a tough journey so far.
I’m glad you got help relatively quickly! The only thing that I’ve found that works is extensive work and help. I’ve had chronic depression for over 10 years (I think it first showed up when I was about 12, but I’m not sure). It will get better, but I would recommend setting up some support system just in case you end up with a relapse at any point in time 🙂 Good luck!
LikeLiked by 1 person