Itchy. Everything is itchy. The burning itchy kind of itchy. The under the skin kind of itchy. The normal itchy. EVERYTHING itches!!!!!
It’s been like this for hours now. Why it just now hit me that I’m in the middle of a flare, I don’t know, but it did. Usually, my flares agree more pain involved. This doesn’t have much pain. But I am SO irritated. Everything itches, even my eyeballs. Because of that, everything is driving me bonkers.
A hair fell off my head and touched my arm and I almost burst in to tears. No, I’m not kidding. My phone put “feel” instead of “fell” in that sentence and I felt inexplicable rage.
My internet isn’t working very well, which is why I’m writing this on my phone (I hate using my phone for posting). The lack of functional internet also means i can’t work on my homework right now. Xfinity was being awful and made me uber angry, again, so I had to stop watching TV. My hands are uber stiff so I don’t want to hold a book of any kind right this moment. Dan is at school working on a project for class.
My hands and feet are swollen. I just noticed that. Maybe I’m dehydrated? Maybe it’s the medication I’m on for the sinus infection? Who knows. But it’s not helping.
I just want to cry, but that’ll just give me a headache. Crying is great for the soul sometimes, I just wish my head would agree. Ugh.
I was out of LabCorp just after noon. As soon as I got to my car I chugged my Ensure and took my medications. By the time I got the DMV (I had to get plates for the Ford), my medication was starting to kick in. I didn’t get home until after one. Thankfully, I had some leftover ravioli in the fridge and it happens to be a cheese day so I was able to eat it (they have Parmesan which is an aged cheese) for a late lunch, and now I’m feeling a lot better. Now, off to work on more homework for the end of the semester.
I have to get routine bloodwork done because I haven’t had a normal physical in two years (I didn’t realize it had been that long, all those other doc appointments blended together). This also means I have to fast because I have to do a lipid panel.
LabCorp (where I get my blood drawn) is really busy from opening until 10 because of all the people fasting and because they don’t require appointments. I figured I’d sleep in today, on my day off, and go on as soon as I woke up. I walk in about 11:15 and the waiting room is full (about 20 people).
Oh dear. I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes and I’m starting to get dizzy thanks to nothing but water. I did bring Ensure with me for immediately after, but ugh. I feel crappy. Next time, I need to make an appointment.
This video is a very short and beautiful way of describing the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is important and how we connect with people. Empathy is what everyone needs, what everyone wants. Learn empathy. Practice empathy. Foster connection. Foster love.
Here is my paper. I had to write a summary of the article that I read. At the bottom is the reference, which includes all of the information for the article if you are interested in finding it for yourself.
Summary of A Pilot Study of Audio-Visual Stimulation as a Self-Care Treatment for Insomnia in Adults with Insomnia in Chronic Pain
Chronic pain and sleep disturbances are comorbid conditions, meaning they are often diagnosed in the same patient. It is estimated that one in three Americans suffers from chronic pain, and as many as 88% of those suffering from chronic pain also suffer from some sort of regular sleep disturbance (Tang, Vitiello, Perlis, Mao, & Riegel, 2014); that equates to about 78 million American adults suffering from chronic pain, with about 68 million also suffering from sleep difficulties (Howden & Meyer, 2011). These statistics show a shockingly high level of comorbidity, and a need for a solution. It has also been suggested that the relationship between pain and sleep may be bidirectional, meaning that increased sleep disturbances increases pain levels and increased pain levels increases sleep disturbances. Sleep disturbances have also been linked to other physical and psychiatric problems, which have also been shown to cause chronic pain problems, suggesting that treatment for chronic pain should focus on sleep disturbances.
Today rattled me pretty badly. The attitudes expressed were not attitudes I was surprised by, I knew they existed, but I have never heard them on this scale. However, they are probably something you will be surprised by because even my husband was shocked to hear about it.
I’m a woman, and thus I have experienced both subtle sexism and overt sexism my entire life. I have dealt with microaggression and overt aggression, one on one and group comments and actions against women, and other sexist things my entire life. It’s inherent in having boobs and a vagina. Sorry for being crass about it, but it’s true, sadly. Thankfully, things are starting to change. Slowly, but they are.
This was not sexism.
I’m white. Most people think that because I’m white, I do not understand racism. You would be wrong to think that. I grew up in an area where white was a minority, actually, especially once I hit high school. While I admit that I haven’t experienced racism as often as other races have, and I haven’t experienced institutionalized racism, I have definitely experienced it. Racism in the form of microagression and overt aggression, actually. I’ve been called derogatory names, purely to get a rise out of me (I knew it though so I didn’t cave), and I’ve been threatened. It’s gotten bad enough I’ve feared for my safety a few times.
This was not racism.
I have been the victim of atrocious bullying. I have been bullied in pretty much every way you can imagine. I was never given a black eye, but I have been bruised (I just usually got hit on the torso or kicked in the shins). I was bullied to the point where I planned out every detail of my suicide, but then something happened that made me change my mind at the last minute (and now I’m very glad it did). I was bullied on every level of bullying, from people walking past me in the hall and “cough*ugly*cough” to chanting to exclusion to purposefully hitting me with playground balls to explicitly telling me to die to taking my things from me to vandalizing my possessions to threatening my life. The bullying didn’t stop until after high school, and I’ve even run into a few instances since then.
This was not bullying.
Today was different.
The paper I’m writing for psych isn’t a traditional research paper. Instead of a research paper, we had to find a short article related to psychology and then summarize it in plain English (I think it’s so we can have more practice in reading and understanding scientific articles). I chose an article that is related to insomnia and chronic pain. Once I get my paper turned in, I’ll share it with you guys because I find it very interesting.
Here’s my paper: Summary of A Pilot Study of Audio-Visual Stimulation as a Self-Care Treatment for Insomnia in Adults with Insomnia in Chronic Pain
I had a math test today, totally nailed it. The studying, however, took a ton of time since I didn’t realize I had it until Monday when I decided to see what I needed to do to get caught up in my math class.
My major psych paper is due on Monday by midnight. I have to read an article (already picked out and professor approved) and then do a write up about it. I haven’t read the article yet.
My mother-in-law is coming down tomorrow until Sunday. Haven’t seen her in awhile, so it’ll be nice, but it means I have less time to do my HW. Which means WAY less time for fun stuff, like this blog.
Hopefully, I’ll be back after the paper gets turned in… But the rest of the semester is pretty busy since I only have a few weeks left.
How do you recover from a month of crazy emotional stress, travel stress, chronic illness, and allergy testing?
Zofran, Tramadol, two Benadryl, two Excedrin Extra Strength
I just got home from my allergy testing, and this is the first thing I did. Well, technically the second. This has just been the most ridiculous month, and definitely not in a good way. Grama passed on the 3rd, and now suddenly it’s the 19th. I do not know what exactly happened to the month of April, but I do know it has been a giant ball of stress of all kinds.
Here is why I’ve been a ball of stress: