Category Archives: Chronic Illness

We All Have Limits

Over the years, I have surprised myself by being able to continue on past what I thought was my limit. It really is amazing. I don’t really know what the alternative is… I guess crawling into bed and never coming out again? Trust me, there are definitely days where that is all I want to do, but I have two lovely little kitties that require feeding and loving.

Pain LevelThis neck/shoulder/back stuff, however, seems to be pushing it. I think I finally found a limit. A hard and fast limit.

I’ve been debating posting this because… well, because. This is going to be a very frank discussion on hitting limits and depression. I don’t like to discuss my depression, at least not the part of it that’s active. Depression tends to gain a lot of pity, and I hate pity. Depression is a part of who I am, it’s something I live with daily, it’s something that is always going to be a part of me. However, depression does not define me, and usually I have a pretty good grip on it. Usually.

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What is With This Pain?!

Seriously.

Yesterday, especially last night, I was in a lot of pain. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t get to sleep until after 4am. Obviously, that meant there was no way I was going to try to wake up at 6am to get to my classes.

I slept until after 11am, and I am not really feeling better. My neck really hurts, which kind of makes sense after the MRI results, and my entire back hurts. The nerve pain in my right arm refuses to go away, and it will no longer pop (which would give it temporary relief at times). There is now nerve pain in my left arm that won’t go away either. My head is killing me (for two days). And, on top of everything else, my hips hurt.

I don’t really know why this is happening… but I suspect it might actually have to do with my neck. My neck and back pain and stiffness have been getting steadily worse for weeks. I’d always written the neck pain off as being from weak muscles and bad posture, so I never thought anything of it. Apparently, I should have mentioned it at some point. I’m wondering if my recent uptick in pain could be due to something in my neck getting worse? I guess I’ll find out on Tuesday (I had the wrong day, but the right date, in my head). Hopefully, the results won’t be anything bad…

MRI Results – Preliminary

I know many of you have been waiting for the results with me (which means more to me than I think you realize). I heard from a nurse at my doctor’s office today.

Straight to the point: my brain is NORMAL! This is definitely good news 🙂

relief

My spine, however, is not. Continue reading →

Rocky Pill Days

So the pill days still seem a bit rough. I’m not completely incapacitated today, however, just a little more ill than I wanted to be. My digestion is still a little worse than I’d like, and the nausea and cramping are back. Thankfully, nothing is as bad as it was. I would definitely say I’m adjusting, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving the house for too terribly long while I’m like this. Hopefully, it’ll be okay soon. I think I’m going to restart my probiotic on non-pill days to help keep things moving. Luckily, actual meals yesterday seemed to go just fine 🙂 Hopefully this is a sign that things are going to look up a bit!

Did My Body Suddenly Adjust, or Will I Feel Like I’m Dying Tomorrow?

So far, today has been a random and sudden surprise. I woke up, and I realized I no longer felt incredibly ill. Of course, I was tentative about it. The nausea was still slightly present, but that’s been pretty constant for several years at this point (I wake up nauseous daily). I ate my oatmeal, and expected the cramping and pain to start back up… but it didn’t! I got dressed, and still nothing. I used the restroom, which is where things usually take a turn for the worse, and my intestines only did a minor bit of spasming but without pain. I went to my first class, and made it all the way through without pain. I went to my second class, and made it all the way through that one without pain too!!!!! I’ve been home for over five hours now, and still [belly] pain free! Each time I use the restroom there seems to be some residual spasming, but no pain and no unpleasant bathroom things. So far, so good! I’ve been able to eat my oatmeal for breakfast, and two blueberry muffins AND some buttered noodles for lunch. I’ve been able to drink some water and a Pepsi and some green tea. So far, I’m actually feeling a lot better.

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Quick Belly Update

“Belly” means my entire digestive tract, by the way. I just think it sounds less gross to say “belly” than it does to say “intestines.”

gastroenterology

My belly is still causing major issues. Yesterday was a pill day and I ended up having some pretty bad issues. I was really gassy and then got pretty sick later. From how things looked, it looks as though my digestive system is suddenly moving things way too fast; which is how it feels too. Hopefully, it’ll slow back down because I don’t want to end up malnourished. That wasn’t fun and I ended up completely exhausted and unable to do stuff around the house I really wanted to do.

Today, I woke up in TONS of pain. My belly is incredibly cramped and I keep getting more severe pain that comes and goes… so I can tell the pain is related to stuff moving on through. Not fun. It hasn’t really gotten too much better throughout the course of the day. Nausea has improved, at least, but the pain is pretty bad. But with the nausea doing better, I was able to eat a regular meal (we had Panera Bread for lunch). Hopefully that will get a good deal of nutrients into my system before my next pill day tomorrow (I’m also hoping my next pill day goes much better).

I haven’t taken my probiotic because it can cause diarrhea too, and I don’t need two medications doing that. However, I’m starting to wonder if it might help with nutrient retention and speed up the “getting used to the medication” process…

While I don’t feel completely like death, I am attempting my homework. So back to catching up I go…!

‘K Belly, You Can Stop Now…

I hate throwing up, almost to a phobic level. I do pretty much anything to avoid it. When I’ve gotten sick enough that I’m pretty much begging my body to throw up just to get a little relief, it’s a good sign that I’m pretty awful. Tonight is like that.

We had blueberry muffins and scrambled eggs for dinner (a favorite). Normally, I’ll eat my share of the eggs (I love eggs) and 4 muffins (they’re smallish)… After eating my share of the eggs and two muffins tonight, I had that sort incredibly full feeling that just aches. Usually, that feeling goes away again in about an hour or two. Nope. Five hours later and I still feel so crazy full I can’t stand it. I just want to throw up so I can not feel like this anymore – it’s making me nauseous and cranky. I realize one of the possible Linzess side effects is feeling overly full very quickly and staying that way. This feeling better not stick around or I’ll be losing weight in a very unhealthy manner… Ugh.

I really wish my belly would just get with the program and stop panicking over this new medication.

Neurology Follow-Up (EMG Results)

Today was my EMG (electromyography) test. emgAs far as medical testing is concerned, that is definitely one of the most painful tests I’ve had to do. He started by hooking leads up to various spots, then using a probe thing to shock me at different magnitudes until he got the results he needed. Not fun. Then the second half of the test, he stuck me with a needle in five different spots (one at a time). He didn’t shock me with them, but he would leave it in a minute with the nerve at rest, then he would have me activate that muscle (so tense it up) in a specific way. That was actually okay, for the most part. The needle in the muscle on the side and base of my thumb wasn’t fun. He put it in and then said “I know, that one stings.” Apparently, I made a face? Oh well, at least he knew it wasn’t comfortable. The others were okay. He put one needle in on the back of my hand at the base of the webbing between my thumb and forefinger. Then he put one in my bicep, one in my tricep, and one in my deltoid.

Click for results

The Calm Was a Lie

Yesterday, I thought I was doing a little better. I was excited because I ate 1.5 burritos for dinner (homemade, so not gigantic). I have only had a handful of “real” meals the last few weeks, eating mostly just buttered rice or noodles or drinking Ensure. Unfortunately, either my body hated the burritos or it really is having a hard time with this new medication. I took it this morning like you’re supposed to (30 minutes before your first meal, on an empty stomach)… And after just a few moments my stomach was crampy, gassy, and painful. Not sure if it’s simple because I woke up more and noticed it, or if it’s the medication.

Either way, I’m definitely missing my first class because sitting up has been pretty brutal. Hopefully I can get to my second class.