Tag Archives: chronic pain

Burn Out

My house is burning out: both Dan and I are burning out, actually. We’re both pushed pretty far towards our limits and both our burn outs are feeding into each other. It’s not a good situation really, but luckily we have each other and the little strength we each have left is stronger together. Dan is really busy with school, and work, and the stuff around the house that I can’t do, and the home improvement stuff that I can’t do, and taking care of me. I’m busy with school, and the stuff around the house that I can do, and trying to get the stuff done for making money that I want to do, and trying to figure out how not to be in so much pain, and all my doc appointments, and dealing with side effects, and getting over a head cold, and trying to figure out what I can actually do around the house, and trying to make sure I have the spoons I need for the commitments in the coming days.

The burn out is really why I haven’t been on here. I’ve just been trying to survive right now. It’s been harder than it sounds. Hopefully, things will start to equal out soon.

Internet Hiatuses Can be Good, When My Stomach Doesn’t Rebel

Whoops. I kind of dropped off the planet for a bit. Though, I have to admit, my three day hiatus from the internet was kind of nice.

fireworksSaturday was my 26th birthday. I can’t believe I’m 26. It’s odd. I am actually starting to finally feel a bit more adult. At the same time, I still feel like I’m “pretending” half the time, but it sounds like that feeling never goes away. Dan and I are starting to fall into an “adulting” rhythm (meal planning, house stuff getting under control, organized, etc) that seems to be really helping to add to the feeling of being an adult. Oh, and I should be graduating in May, which should really help. Not having homework anymore will probably make me feel older.

I woke up on Saturday feeling awful, actually. That morning, it appeared that my new headache medication was really kicking my butt. Or something. I seriously just felt horrid. I was exhausted. cd0ec9ab3ff18c2d10f8c778bd3fc2a9Like, I got out of bed and took a shower and could barely get back into bed type of tired. I’d been up all night tossing and turning and having serious temperature swings and having to pee and it was terrible. Before bed Friday night I’d also suddenly been hit by a wall of exhaustion which pretty much meant Dan had to put me to bed. Thankfully, after rest and some fluids I felt a bit better and was able to get myself pulled together enough to enjoy my tiny get together. Three friends came over and we chatted a bit, played a game, and went to dinner. It was a lot of fun. I pushed myself a little harder than I probably should have, but it was still a much needed emotional uplift. I also realized I do not talk to people outside this blog often enough (or outside of Dan often enough) as I accidentally talked about my physical stuff a little more often than I meant to. Oh well. Thankfully, the friends that came seem to really understand what goes on with me physically so they were very understanding.

Sunday & Monday were interesting…

I Feel Like the Sky Looks

It’s very cloudy outside. Normally, I love cloudy and overcast weather… but the sudden cold that has accompanied it isn’t making me too happy.

Yesterday, I slept until after noon. The “Reformer for Recovery” class that I normally do on Wednesdays starts at 12:30. Obviously, I didn’t go to that. At about 4:30, however, I decided that the cold was messing with my hips too badly to skip Pilates entirely for a whole week (Joleen was booked solid for this coming Monday). I decided to do the beginning level “Core Training” class, which is a hybrid between mat and reformer.

I did alright during class. My arms, neck, and shoulders are definitely messed up though. Today, I’m paying for it. The class did help from the waist down, but it feels like my upper body has been run over by a large truck. My depression isn’t helping, and the pain isn’t helping my depression. Hopefully, I can have a good day for my birthday (Saturday the 19th). Please, Universe?

Neurology Results – More Detail

Yesterday was absolutely exhausting. I slept horribly because of nerves, so I was already exhausted when I woke up to get to my 9:50am appointment. Well, and some of that was due to my odd inability to adjust to daylight savings time (for those that don’t know, in spring we move our clocks forward one hour, and in fall we move them back one hour… not every state does it, and it’s an antiquated concept we just haven’t abandoned)… normally, I adjust just fine, which is why I say it’s an “odd inability.” At 9:50am, I had my neurology appointment, then at 3:30pm I had an appointment with my ENT. In between the appointments, Dan and I went to Sam’s Club for some prescriptions and garden stuff. The ENT was really behind, so I actually didn’t leave until 5pm. Needless to say, after that, I was so exhausted I didn’t do anything at all the rest of the day.

On to the neurology stuff, the real reason I know ya’ll are reading this post 😛

First, he listened to all my complaints and asked some basic questions. Then he pulled up the MRIs and showed them to Dan and I. MRIs are SO COOL!!! It was so interesting getting to see what was happening inside of me and what I looked like in so many different layers. He showed us the brain one (from top to bottom and then from side to side). My brain is 100% normal! This is fantastic news. My headaches are also not due to Chiari malformation, which is a condition where part of the brain is protruding from the skull into the spinal canal, thankfully. Then, he moved on to the scan of my neck. Click here for the results

“Official Uniform of the Dysautonomia Warrior” – another shirt and two questions

 

I found a pretty and comfortable looking tee shirt! (It says it’s made out of very soft materials.) I’m thinking it’ll probably be great for lounging around the house in the summer.

What kinds of merchandise do you think will work well with this design? I have a basic sweatshirt and now this tee.

What other illnesses/conditions do you think I should make this design for? (Example: “Official Uniform of the Fibromyalgia Warrior”)

We All Have Limits

Over the years, I have surprised myself by being able to continue on past what I thought was my limit. It really is amazing. I don’t really know what the alternative is… I guess crawling into bed and never coming out again? Trust me, there are definitely days where that is all I want to do, but I have two lovely little kitties that require feeding and loving.

Pain LevelThis neck/shoulder/back stuff, however, seems to be pushing it. I think I finally found a limit. A hard and fast limit.

I’ve been debating posting this because… well, because. This is going to be a very frank discussion on hitting limits and depression. I don’t like to discuss my depression, at least not the part of it that’s active. Depression tends to gain a lot of pity, and I hate pity. Depression is a part of who I am, it’s something I live with daily, it’s something that is always going to be a part of me. However, depression does not define me, and usually I have a pretty good grip on it. Usually.

Continue reading →

What is With This Pain?!

Seriously.

Yesterday, especially last night, I was in a lot of pain. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t get to sleep until after 4am. Obviously, that meant there was no way I was going to try to wake up at 6am to get to my classes.

I slept until after 11am, and I am not really feeling better. My neck really hurts, which kind of makes sense after the MRI results, and my entire back hurts. The nerve pain in my right arm refuses to go away, and it will no longer pop (which would give it temporary relief at times). There is now nerve pain in my left arm that won’t go away either. My head is killing me (for two days). And, on top of everything else, my hips hurt.

I don’t really know why this is happening… but I suspect it might actually have to do with my neck. My neck and back pain and stiffness have been getting steadily worse for weeks. I’d always written the neck pain off as being from weak muscles and bad posture, so I never thought anything of it. Apparently, I should have mentioned it at some point. I’m wondering if my recent uptick in pain could be due to something in my neck getting worse? I guess I’ll find out on Tuesday (I had the wrong day, but the right date, in my head). Hopefully, the results won’t be anything bad…

MRI Results – Preliminary

I know many of you have been waiting for the results with me (which means more to me than I think you realize). I heard from a nurse at my doctor’s office today.

Straight to the point: my brain is NORMAL! This is definitely good news 🙂

relief

My spine, however, is not. Continue reading →

Did My Body Suddenly Adjust, or Will I Feel Like I’m Dying Tomorrow?

So far, today has been a random and sudden surprise. I woke up, and I realized I no longer felt incredibly ill. Of course, I was tentative about it. The nausea was still slightly present, but that’s been pretty constant for several years at this point (I wake up nauseous daily). I ate my oatmeal, and expected the cramping and pain to start back up… but it didn’t! I got dressed, and still nothing. I used the restroom, which is where things usually take a turn for the worse, and my intestines only did a minor bit of spasming but without pain. I went to my first class, and made it all the way through without pain. I went to my second class, and made it all the way through that one without pain too!!!!! I’ve been home for over five hours now, and still [belly] pain free! Each time I use the restroom there seems to be some residual spasming, but no pain and no unpleasant bathroom things. So far, so good! I’ve been able to eat my oatmeal for breakfast, and two blueberry muffins AND some buttered noodles for lunch. I’ve been able to drink some water and a Pepsi and some green tea. So far, I’m actually feeling a lot better.

Continue reading →