Tag Archives: chronic illnesses

Still Struggling With Pain

I spent today in one of the worst flares i think I’ve ever had. My pain put me into a daze; functioning was almost impossible. It was as if  I  was trying to listen to the radio inside a tunnel. Even my vision was screwed up. When I my first dose of Tramadol for the day, it didn’t seem to work at all. Well, it made me nauseous, but the pain was doing that too. I’ve had a horrid day. The second dose of Tramadol worked a bit, and the vision improved a little.

Hopefully, I can get a little sleep and my Pilates class tomorrow will help instead of hurt. I want to function again!

Back Pain, Still

This pain is trying to kill me.

I do not like taking so much medicine… but I can’t function. I can’t sleep. I can’t think.

I wish I knew what I did. Then again, I honestly don’t think I did anything.

I just want it to stop!!!!

(Back pain post 1, post 2.)

“Grieving The Life I Once Had” – from HuffPost

A little while ago, I read this post on HuffPost:

Grieving the Life I Once Had
by Naomi Sakin

(I actually got there from Dysautonomia International‘s Facebook page.)

Facebook is really the only way I get any of my news. The only news source I follow directly is National Geographic, and that’s primarily because I have admired their photography for as long as I can remember. Anyway, that’s off topic.

The article, is heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking because it’s real. So devastatingly and painfully real. You don’t find out what she has until the end, but it doesn’t matter. I think anyone with a chronic condition can relate, especially one that you weren’t born with, or that you were born with that didn’t get diagnosed or show up until later in life, or one that changed as you grew, or one that is progressive that suddenly throws you curve balls that alter your day-to-day. Really, anyone. Anyone that no longer can do what they used to.

Take caution reading the article. If you are fragile, you will cry. I teared up, but luckily I’m not doing too badly, mentally, right this moment so I didn’t lose it. Yesterday, I would have flat out bawled for hours.

I am kind of proud as to what my unconscious and fingers decided to add to my Facebook share and wanted to share it with you:

The life we once lived gets torn from us in an instant. The life we once lived gets replaced by pain and pills. Still, we are somehow expected to carry on. We adjust, and we move forward.
– Elizabeth Bulfer

Sometimes, we don’t know how we move forward, but we always seem to move forward. That’s why I started this blog: to move forward, to remember to always move forward, to give me a reason to move forward (if only to make one more post), and to remind others to move forward.

Together, we can carry the enormous weight of these illnesses and our grief.

Together, let’s move forward.

Featured Image from the article

Back Pain: Gone and Back Again

So I wrote this post just after 4am last night, on my phone, originally. My phone and WordPress are NOT friends and it deleted it apparently. This happens a lot. Ugh. So I will try to rewrite it now that I’ve noticed.

Overnight, it appeared that my back healed because I woke up on Friday morning feeling almost “normal” again. My back was sore, sure, but it definitely wasn’t anything near the severe back pain I was experiencing on Thursday; I wouldn’t even really call it “bad pain” let alone “severe pain.” I took some Aleve and was careful, but carried on with my day. By Friday evening, I felt pretty much 100% and barely noticed my back at all.

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Severe Back Pain Today

Sometime last night, I was woken up by pain in my right SI joint (sacroiliac joint). The pain was intense enough to wake me up, something that doesn’t happen often, but was something I’m familiar with. It was the pain that comes with the joint locking up. Sadly, locked SI joints are common, especially in the right. Once I identified pain, I stretched in an attempt to resolve it, and went back to sleep.

493x335_low_back_pain_overview_slideshow

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Internal Struggle

Part of my extended absence has been due to a massive internal struggle I’ve been dealing with.

I started this blog, in part, to journal about all the aspects of my illnesses. This includes all of the aspects of my physical symptoms AND my mental symptoms. This journaling is to help me deal with what is going on in my life, and to help anyone else that is struggling not to feel as alone.

Now, where is the struggle? Well, I have found myself holding back and not being completely honest with you. I’ve been leaving things out, under-telling symptoms, playing down physical symptoms, and just not touching on the mental aspect at all.

Why?

The answer to the why is where the struggle comes in.

Continue reading →

In Need of Spoons…

Does anyone have any extra spoons?

spoonie

 

My family is arriving Friday morning and I have a LOT to get done around the house to get ready for my graduation party Saturday before they get here.

Anyone have spoons they don’t need to help me get thru the weekend?

special spoon

On a positive note, I no longer have any classes!!!!!

Atypical Flare Day

Itchy. Everything is itchy. The burning itchy kind of itchy. The under the skin kind of itchy. The normal itchy. EVERYTHING itches!!!!!

It’s been like this for hours now. Why it just now hit me that I’m in the middle of a flare, I don’t know, but it did. Usually, my flares agree more pain involved. This doesn’t have much pain. But I am SO irritated. Everything itches, even my eyeballs. Because of that, everything is driving me bonkers.

A hair fell off my head and touched my arm and I almost burst in to tears. No, I’m not kidding. My phone put “feel” instead of “fell” in that sentence and I felt inexplicable rage.

My internet isn’t working very well, which is why I’m writing this on my phone (I hate using my phone for posting). The lack of functional internet also means i can’t work on my homework right now. Xfinity was being awful and made me uber angry, again, so I had to stop watching TV. My hands are uber stiff so I don’t want to hold a book of any kind right this moment. Dan is at school working on a project for class.

My hands and feet are swollen. I just noticed that. Maybe I’m dehydrated? Maybe it’s the medication I’m on for the sinus infection? Who knows. But it’s not helping.

I just want to cry, but that’ll just give me a headache. Crying is great for the soul sometimes, I just wish my head would agree. Ugh.

 

I Didn’t Pass Out

Thankfully.

I was out of LabCorp just after noon. As soon as I got to my car I chugged my Ensure and took my medications. By the time I got the DMV (I had to get plates for the Ford), my medication was starting to kick in. I didn’t get home until after one. Thankfully, I had some leftover ravioli in the fridge and it happens to be a cheese day so I was able to eat it (they have Parmesan which is an aged cheese) for a late lunch, and now I’m feeling a lot better. Now, off to work on more homework for the end of the semester.

I Should Have Made An Appointment…

I have to get routine bloodwork done because I haven’t had a normal physical in two years (I didn’t realize it had been that long, all those other doc appointments blended together). This also means I have to fast because I have to do a lipid panel.

LabCorp (where I get my blood drawn) is really busy from opening until 10 because of all the people fasting and because they don’t require appointments. I figured I’d sleep in today, on my day off, and go on as soon as I woke up. I walk in about 11:15 and the waiting room is full (about 20 people).

Oh dear. I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes and I’m starting to get dizzy thanks to nothing but water. I did bring Ensure with me for immediately after, but ugh. I feel crappy. Next time, I need to make an appointment.