Tag Archives: blogging
Why I Haven’t Been Posting: Migraines & Pain
Today is the first day in a VERY long time that I haven’t had a migraine by this time (5pm). I have been suffering from nearly daily migraines for weeks, and denying it. Denying it with excuses: “I’m on my period, I’ve always gotten them every day of my period week” (pretty much true), “my allergies are just really bad, so it must be a crazy sinus headache” (obviously, I like lying to myself as well as Dan), “I’m tired,” “I have eyestrain,” “I can cope,” etc. However, after my back seized up and my pain went out of control, I couldn’t deny them anymore. I finally called Dr K (the neurologist that had given me the medication that is supposed to be stopping my headaches and controlling my pain) and left a message with his medical assistant. Hopefully, I’ll hear back and either be able to get in with another appointment or be told to raise the dosage and the headaches will stop. I forgot to mention the side effects on the message though, ugh. I didn’t realize that until I was typing this out.
Update About “Internal Struggle”
Previous Post: Internal Struggle
My mom decided to unfollow my blog. She wasn’t upset, but she didn’t want me to feel like I needed to hold back. While I’m kind of relieved, because now I can be completely honest without stressing about the tenuous relationship I have with my family… I’m unsure about how communication is going to work regarding my illnesses and such now. Oh well, I guess we’ll see. Maybe now we’ll actually talk.
I do have a post I’m trying to figure out how to structure. It might turn into a series of posts. Recently, I’ve been struggling at coming to terms with my Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (JHS) (potential EDS). Why have I been struggling? Because it’s a condition I was born with and that means I have had it my entire life. Why is that a struggle? Because I didn’t get diagnosed until just recently, even though I’ve had symptoms and very definitive signs my entire life. Yeah. So I’m trying to figure out how to structure the post/series properly and how to make it informative and therapeutic. It’s been a major part of my thinking lately, which is why I haven’t really been posting.
Well, I also haven’t been posting much because I’ve been in a pain and Tramadol induced haze for the past several days due to my back. Stupid back.
Hopefully, things will start to come together soon.
“Grieving The Life I Once Had” – from HuffPost
A little while ago, I read this post on HuffPost:
Grieving the Life I Once Had
by Naomi Sakin
(I actually got there from Dysautonomia International‘s Facebook page.)
Facebook is really the only way I get any of my news. The only news source I follow directly is National Geographic, and that’s primarily because I have admired their photography for as long as I can remember. Anyway, that’s off topic.
The article, is heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking because it’s real. So devastatingly and painfully real. You don’t find out what she has until the end, but it doesn’t matter. I think anyone with a chronic condition can relate, especially one that you weren’t born with, or that you were born with that didn’t get diagnosed or show up until later in life, or one that changed as you grew, or one that is progressive that suddenly throws you curve balls that alter your day-to-day. Really, anyone. Anyone that no longer can do what they used to.
Take caution reading the article. If you are fragile, you will cry. I teared up, but luckily I’m not doing too badly, mentally, right this moment so I didn’t lose it. Yesterday, I would have flat out bawled for hours.
I am kind of proud as to what my unconscious and fingers decided to add to my Facebook share and wanted to share it with you:
The life we once lived gets torn from us in an instant. The life we once lived gets replaced by pain and pills. Still, we are somehow expected to carry on. We adjust, and we move forward.
– Elizabeth Bulfer
Sometimes, we don’t know how we move forward, but we always seem to move forward. That’s why I started this blog: to move forward, to remember to always move forward, to give me a reason to move forward (if only to make one more post), and to remind others to move forward.
Together, we can carry the enormous weight of these illnesses and our grief.
Together, let’s move forward.
Featured Image from the article
Back Pain: Gone and Back Again
So I wrote this post just after 4am last night, on my phone, originally. My phone and WordPress are NOT friends and it deleted it apparently. This happens a lot. Ugh. So I will try to rewrite it now that I’ve noticed.
Overnight, it appeared that my back healed because I woke up on Friday morning feeling almost “normal” again. My back was sore, sure, but it definitely wasn’t anything near the severe back pain I was experiencing on Thursday; I wouldn’t even really call it “bad pain” let alone “severe pain.” I took some Aleve and was careful, but carried on with my day. By Friday evening, I felt pretty much 100% and barely noticed my back at all.
Internal Struggle
Part of my extended absence has been due to a massive internal struggle I’ve been dealing with.
I started this blog, in part, to journal about all the aspects of my illnesses. This includes all of the aspects of my physical symptoms AND my mental symptoms. This journaling is to help me deal with what is going on in my life, and to help anyone else that is struggling not to feel as alone.
Now, where is the struggle? Well, I have found myself holding back and not being completely honest with you. I’ve been leaving things out, under-telling symptoms, playing down physical symptoms, and just not touching on the mental aspect at all.
Why?
The answer to the why is where the struggle comes in.
Rest, Finally
Oh man, I can hardly believe it… Stuff is over. My body has been on high for the last several weeks and my calendar is suddenly EMPTY. Mom left this morning, and I went to Verizon this afternoon to get the stuff with my replacement phone figured out. But then all I had to do the rest of today was to get my replacement phone setup! Yay!
However, since I’ve been on high for so long, my body doesn’t want to decompress. I have crazy knots everywhere, and I have a crazy intense “forgetting everything” type of feeling. And migraines. Ugh. I had one that was pretty bad when Dan got home today, that hit quickly, and then the Excedrin either wore off after two hours or I got hit by a second one… either way, ugh. Plus, stomach issues. Hopefully, however, after a few more days of actually resting, my body will actually believe me that nothing is urgent and come out of the “emergency” stage.
Tomorrow, I’m going to read! I’m also going to get my allergy shots and drop off my old phone at the post office and have my individual appointment with Joleen. But mostly, I’m going to relax and just read 🙂 It’ll be fantastic!
MIA A Little Longer
I had my last classes yesterday! I just checked my grades though and had to email one of my teachers because she’d said that the papers should be posted by 5pm yesterday and mine still hasn’t been graded and it was turned in two hours before the deadline. However, without the paper grade, I have an A in that class! My other class is also an A. So I if I got an A on my paper, then I will have an A in both of my classes which means that I’ll be graduating on another 4.0 semester!!!!! 😀 Exciting!
You would think my life would calm down now, but not quite yet.
My graduation is on Saturday, which means my family is flying in from California. I’m excited that my family is visiting 🙂 This is the first time my Dad and sister have gotten to see my house. It also means that we have a lot to do to get it ready. We are also having a party on Saturday, so we have a lot to do to get ready for that too. I’m really sore from stuff yesterday, so I’m taking a break to write this but I really need to get back to my to-do list.
AFTER my graduation stuff, THEN I’ll have time. There are several things I want to write about… I just need the time! Until then, I hope you all are doing well. I’m alive, I promise.
Empathy vs Sympathy by Brene Brown
This video is a very short and beautiful way of describing the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is important and how we connect with people. Empathy is what everyone needs, what everyone wants. Learn empathy. Practice empathy. Foster connection. Foster love.
Burn Out
My house is burning out: both Dan and I are burning out, actually. We’re both pushed pretty far towards our limits and both our burn outs are feeding into each other. It’s not a good situation really, but luckily we have each other and the little strength we each have left is stronger together. Dan is really busy with school, and work, and the stuff around the house that I can’t do, and the home improvement stuff that I can’t do, and taking care of me. I’m busy with school, and the stuff around the house that I can do, and trying to get the stuff done for making money that I want to do, and trying to figure out how not to be in so much pain, and all my doc appointments, and dealing with side effects, and getting over a head cold, and trying to figure out what I can actually do around the house, and trying to make sure I have the spoons I need for the commitments in the coming days.
The burn out is really why I haven’t been on here. I’ve just been trying to survive right now. It’s been harder than it sounds. Hopefully, things will start to equal out soon.
Finding Life's Silver Sun 