Tag Archives: pain

Update About “Internal Struggle”

Previous Post: Internal Struggle

My mom decided to unfollow my blog. She wasn’t upset, but she didn’t want me to feel like I needed to hold back. While I’m kind of relieved, because now I can be completely honest without stressing about the tenuous relationship I have with my family… I’m unsure about how communication is going to work regarding my illnesses and such now. Oh well, I guess we’ll see. Maybe now we’ll actually talk.

I do have a post I’m trying to figure out how to structure. It might turn into a series of posts. Recently, I’ve been struggling at coming to terms with my Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (JHS) (potential EDS). Why have I been struggling? Because it’s a condition I was born with and that means I have had it my entire life. Why is that a struggle? Because I didn’t get diagnosed until just recently, even though I’ve had symptoms and very definitive signs my entire life. Yeah. So I’m trying to figure out how to structure the post/series properly and how to make it informative and therapeutic. It’s been a major part of my thinking lately, which is why I haven’t really been posting.

Well, I also haven’t been posting much because I’ve been in a pain and Tramadol induced haze for the past several days due to my back. Stupid back.

Hopefully, things will start to come together soon.

Still Struggling With Pain

I spent today in one of the worst flares i think I’ve ever had. My pain put me into a daze; functioning was almost impossible. It was as if  I  was trying to listen to the radio inside a tunnel. Even my vision was screwed up. When I my first dose of Tramadol for the day, it didn’t seem to work at all. Well, it made me nauseous, but the pain was doing that too. I’ve had a horrid day. The second dose of Tramadol worked a bit, and the vision improved a little.

Hopefully, I can get a little sleep and my Pilates class tomorrow will help instead of hurt. I want to function again!

“Grieving The Life I Once Had” – from HuffPost

A little while ago, I read this post on HuffPost:

Grieving the Life I Once Had
by Naomi Sakin

(I actually got there from Dysautonomia International‘s Facebook page.)

Facebook is really the only way I get any of my news. The only news source I follow directly is National Geographic, and that’s primarily because I have admired their photography for as long as I can remember. Anyway, that’s off topic.

The article, is heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking because it’s real. So devastatingly and painfully real. You don’t find out what she has until the end, but it doesn’t matter. I think anyone with a chronic condition can relate, especially one that you weren’t born with, or that you were born with that didn’t get diagnosed or show up until later in life, or one that changed as you grew, or one that is progressive that suddenly throws you curve balls that alter your day-to-day. Really, anyone. Anyone that no longer can do what they used to.

Take caution reading the article. If you are fragile, you will cry. I teared up, but luckily I’m not doing too badly, mentally, right this moment so I didn’t lose it. Yesterday, I would have flat out bawled for hours.

I am kind of proud as to what my unconscious and fingers decided to add to my Facebook share and wanted to share it with you:

The life we once lived gets torn from us in an instant. The life we once lived gets replaced by pain and pills. Still, we are somehow expected to carry on. We adjust, and we move forward.
– Elizabeth Bulfer

Sometimes, we don’t know how we move forward, but we always seem to move forward. That’s why I started this blog: to move forward, to remember to always move forward, to give me a reason to move forward (if only to make one more post), and to remind others to move forward.

Together, we can carry the enormous weight of these illnesses and our grief.

Together, let’s move forward.

Featured Image from the article

Back Pain: Gone and Back Again

So I wrote this post just after 4am last night, on my phone, originally. My phone and WordPress are NOT friends and it deleted it apparently. This happens a lot. Ugh. So I will try to rewrite it now that I’ve noticed.

Overnight, it appeared that my back healed because I woke up on Friday morning feeling almost “normal” again. My back was sore, sure, but it definitely wasn’t anything near the severe back pain I was experiencing on Thursday; I wouldn’t even really call it “bad pain” let alone “severe pain.” I took some Aleve and was careful, but carried on with my day. By Friday evening, I felt pretty much 100% and barely noticed my back at all.

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Severe Back Pain Today

Sometime last night, I was woken up by pain in my right SI joint (sacroiliac joint). The pain was intense enough to wake me up, something that doesn’t happen often, but was something I’m familiar with. It was the pain that comes with the joint locking up. Sadly, locked SI joints are common, especially in the right. Once I identified pain, I stretched in an attempt to resolve it, and went back to sleep.

493x335_low_back_pain_overview_slideshow

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Summary of A Pilot Study Using AVS for Insomnia in Adults and Chronic Pain Patients

Here is my paper. I had to write a summary of the article that I read. At the bottom is the reference, which includes all of the information for the article if you are interested in finding it for yourself.

Summary of A Pilot Study of Audio-Visual Stimulation as a Self-Care Treatment for Insomnia in Adults with Insomnia in Chronic Pain

Chronic pain and sleep disturbances are comorbid conditions, meaning they are often diagnosed in the same patient. It is estimated that one in three Americans suffers from chronic pain, and as many as 88% of those suffering from chronic pain also suffer from some sort of regular sleep disturbance (Tang, Vitiello, Perlis, Mao, & Riegel, 2014); that equates to about 78 million American adults suffering from chronic pain, with about 68 million also suffering from sleep difficulties (Howden & Meyer, 2011). These statistics show a shockingly high level of comorbidity, and a need for a solution. It has also been suggested that the relationship between pain and sleep may be bidirectional, meaning that increased sleep disturbances increases pain levels and increased pain levels increases sleep disturbances. Sleep disturbances have also been linked to other physical and psychiatric problems, which have also been shown to cause chronic pain problems, suggesting that treatment for chronic pain should focus on sleep disturbances.

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Soon I’ll Have Research to Share

The paper I’m writing for psych isn’t a traditional research paper. Instead of a research paper, we had to find a short article related to psychology and then summarize it in plain English (I think it’s so we can have more practice in reading and understanding scientific articles). I chose an article that is related to insomnia and chronic pain. Once I get my paper turned in, I’ll share it with you guys because I find it very interesting.

Here’s my paper: Summary of A Pilot Study of Audio-Visual Stimulation as a Self-Care Treatment for Insomnia in Adults with Insomnia in Chronic Pain

Intimate Link Between Body and Brain

It’s interesting how, in this time of intense emotional pain, the link between brain and body can be so tangible. I’m in intense emotional pain and it’s messing with my body. I’m getting random aches and pains that shouldn’t be happening, my IBS is acting up (which is definitely something that can be emotionally triggered), and even then I know my headache medication is working I’ve suddenly gotten a bad headache going again. Ugh. Maybe my brain knows I can kind if handle physical pain and is trying to “help” by making it more “manageable” or something? I don’t know. But the link is interesting to notice.

Burn Out

My house is burning out: both Dan and I are burning out, actually. We’re both pushed pretty far towards our limits and both our burn outs are feeding into each other. It’s not a good situation really, but luckily we have each other and the little strength we each have left is stronger together. Dan is really busy with school, and work, and the stuff around the house that I can’t do, and the home improvement stuff that I can’t do, and taking care of me. I’m busy with school, and the stuff around the house that I can do, and trying to get the stuff done for making money that I want to do, and trying to figure out how not to be in so much pain, and all my doc appointments, and dealing with side effects, and getting over a head cold, and trying to figure out what I can actually do around the house, and trying to make sure I have the spoons I need for the commitments in the coming days.

The burn out is really why I haven’t been on here. I’ve just been trying to survive right now. It’s been harder than it sounds. Hopefully, things will start to equal out soon.

Internet Hiatuses Can be Good, When My Stomach Doesn’t Rebel

Whoops. I kind of dropped off the planet for a bit. Though, I have to admit, my three day hiatus from the internet was kind of nice.

fireworksSaturday was my 26th birthday. I can’t believe I’m 26. It’s odd. I am actually starting to finally feel a bit more adult. At the same time, I still feel like I’m “pretending” half the time, but it sounds like that feeling never goes away. Dan and I are starting to fall into an “adulting” rhythm (meal planning, house stuff getting under control, organized, etc) that seems to be really helping to add to the feeling of being an adult. Oh, and I should be graduating in May, which should really help. Not having homework anymore will probably make me feel older.

I woke up on Saturday feeling awful, actually. That morning, it appeared that my new headache medication was really kicking my butt. Or something. I seriously just felt horrid. I was exhausted. cd0ec9ab3ff18c2d10f8c778bd3fc2a9Like, I got out of bed and took a shower and could barely get back into bed type of tired. I’d been up all night tossing and turning and having serious temperature swings and having to pee and it was terrible. Before bed Friday night I’d also suddenly been hit by a wall of exhaustion which pretty much meant Dan had to put me to bed. Thankfully, after rest and some fluids I felt a bit better and was able to get myself pulled together enough to enjoy my tiny get together. Three friends came over and we chatted a bit, played a game, and went to dinner. It was a lot of fun. I pushed myself a little harder than I probably should have, but it was still a much needed emotional uplift. I also realized I do not talk to people outside this blog often enough (or outside of Dan often enough) as I accidentally talked about my physical stuff a little more often than I meant to. Oh well. Thankfully, the friends that came seem to really understand what goes on with me physically so they were very understanding.

Sunday & Monday were interesting…